I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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