We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Found the puke drawer
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
My ass is underappreciated
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
