dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
