i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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