so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize