Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
