If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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