Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
its liver damage thursday
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
