when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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