What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
