DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
