I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
