we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize