I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
