His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
People in love make me want to vomit
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
