So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
