is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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