I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
