I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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