needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
