She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
can u get pink eye on your cock?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I'm like, not good at living.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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