I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
