I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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