Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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