I can text with my tongue
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
