Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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