im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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