I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
