wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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