Swine flu. Run for my life!
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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