you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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