Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
