fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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