no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
