I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
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