Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Randomize
