We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
