well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
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