She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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