Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
