just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
