just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize