New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
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