it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
