Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
