Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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