Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
