I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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