He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
We were destined to go to rehab together
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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