i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
