She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
