I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
