i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
