So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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