dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
