No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
