i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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