he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
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