NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
