Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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