Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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