I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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