i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize