The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Green mimosas i think yes
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
