strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Randomize
