How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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