he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
