also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Randomize
