So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
