hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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