I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
