Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
