Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize