Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize