Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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