Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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