Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
