would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
