Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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