weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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