I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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