So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Randomize
