I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
