sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
