New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
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