My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
nutella sex= disaster
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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