I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize