i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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