Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
