I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
