If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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